The circles icon associated with Sandi continue as we are trying to recover from all this and get on with our lives. I wanted to protect the grave from scavenging, and mark it properly, and had been searching for such a device. A real grave marker seems excessive since after all, this is just a cat’s grave. We are not blessed (or cursed) with much money, but we both wanted a nice solid piece to do the job. We searched many places for stones or other suitable means, whatever it might be. Finally, we found a cast concrete stepping stone, about 2 feet in diameter. It is of course, round and has the likeness of a cat engraved deeply in the surface. The cat is smiling, and curled up comfortably. I spent an entire Sunday doing further engraving with hammer and chisel putting her name and the dates on it, then placing it on the grave. The feather on the stick is still there as well. It is very satisfactory, and I often visit, talk to God and just be at peace in this special place. The acorn found there is still on my desk, and one night as I was telling someone about these things online, the cap popped off the acorn. It is time to plant.

We (including Dickens) are dealing with the loss fairly well, having tried a number of recommended grieving processes. Time is in fact the great healer. This very story is my way of working out my grief. We are told that cats of course grieve differently, and that it doesn’t set in till much later nor is it usually as severe. I like the explanation for that: cats "see" with more than their eyes. One way is that they can perceive the presence of a departed being because of their sense of smell. I’m sure the smell of Sandi lingers. There is also the possible mysticism attributed to cats, that they are connected to the universe in different ways, being unencumbered by big brains such as ours. I am sure God sees and directs all His creatures in different ways, too, that we cannot understand. Perhaps Dickens can still see glimpses of her spirit or aura (yes, I believe animals have a spirit) and doesn’t miss her so much as a result. Whatever, we humans miss her terribly, and think that it might be good to invite another cat to come live with us.

We are not too keen on the idea of forcing that issue, since we know that no one can ever replace her. That particular notion is rooted in selfishness anyway, and being adopted by a cat is NOT, in my opinion, something a person can will for themselves. Even if we think consciously to ourselves, "I think I shall go and find me a cat companion" or, "my kitty just had kittens", there is a lot more to it than that. Where did that thought or event come from cosmically speaking? Talk to "cat owners" (people owned by cats) and the more thoughtful of them will admit there were always peculiar circumstances associated with the process. When you are selecting your intended companion, does not something special happen, that cements the deal? So we are waiting, and watching and thinking and continuing to heal. The remaining menagerie has taken a definite different atmosphere. We are settling into new routines and they are good for all of us.